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Flowers for Jack Thompson

January 21st, 2006 (09:50 pm)

Gaming folk,

We all know and love Jack Thompson for what he is; a masthead of an outdated generation's hatred of our own. Growing up in the digital world, having our own escapes and our own entertainment, people like him find every way possible to blame us for society's ills.

It's not news to anybody that Jack is an utter and astonishing bastard. His weight of his bastardity is equalled only by the mass of his assholishness. With these put together, the man is so dense that he is likely a potent alternative fuel source that rivals the earth's sun.

I stress to you, without hyperbole, that the majority of mammals living on the planet earth despise the man.

Squirrels are repulsed by him. People can feel safe parking next to him because pigeons will always shit upon his car before any other.

Despite propaganda you may have heart, over one hundred percent of animal species to go extinct since the sixteenth century died of starvation because they were too disgusted by Jack Thompson to eat ever again.

The locusts were not actually a plague in biblical egypt, they were in fact a first strike planned by the insect population that was unfortunately far too early and at least a continent too far away.

Biologists and astronomers have confirmed that the statistical likelihood of species on alien worlds hating Jack Thompson is a whopping eight thousand percent.

Also, I'm pretty sure Chuck Norris said Jack was a total dick. This is unconfirmed.

My point is simple. Gamers everywhere write him hatemail, send him threats, call him at all hours of the night... this is NOT CONSTRUCTIVE, DAMN IT. This only makes us into what he says we are. We are to the point that he will disregard any correspondence at the very least, threaten it legally at the most.

It's hard to get his attention for real. I propose we write him a stern, dignified letter, free of insults, exaggerations, or unfounded complaints, and state the most honest and reasonable case we can.

More importantly, it will be sent with as many bouquets of beautiful pink roses as I can possibly send to his office.

Not threats. Not pizzas that he didn't order. Pretty flowers, paid for by gamers, with no insulting words attached.

It's goddamn ridiculous. That's what makes it perfect. He's proven to have a sense of humor sometimes... let's see if he can take a jab that isn't so hateful, that represents the real casual gamer; the sarcastic, fun-loving nerds we are.

We take responsibility for legal repercussions. This journal is to inform and manage this little scheme. Anybody willing to help out, offer donation or suggestion, or ask questions, please visit flowersforjack.

Comments

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Posted by: hewitt (risingdragon)
Posted at: January 22nd, 2006 03:50 am (UTC)
simon and garfunkel - the boxer

brilliant! i love it.

as a college student i don't really have any money to donate, but i shall spread the word. :3

Posted by: flowersforjack (flowersforjack)
Posted at: January 22nd, 2006 03:52 am (UTC)

Just as good, man.

I gotta get to work on the letter. It needs to be entirely cordial, you know!

Posted by: hewitt (risingdragon)
Posted at: January 22nd, 2006 04:12 am (UTC)

Posted by: flowersforjack (flowersforjack)
Posted at: January 22nd, 2006 04:17 am (UTC)

Posted by: hewitt (risingdragon)
Posted at: January 22nd, 2006 04:22 am (UTC)

Posted by: flowersforjack (flowersforjack)
Posted at: January 22nd, 2006 04:25 am (UTC)

Posted by: hewitt (risingdragon)
Posted at: January 22nd, 2006 04:27 am (UTC)

Posted by: flowersforjack (flowersforjack)
Posted at: January 22nd, 2006 04:30 am (UTC)

Posted by: Lyssie-chan (voodoobob)
Posted at: January 22nd, 2006 03:55 am (UTC)
Shin-Ra

This is the most amazing idea and as soon as I have a couple spare dollars I'll donate.

Posted by: flowersforjack (flowersforjack)
Posted at: January 22nd, 2006 03:59 am (UTC)

Awesome, dude. We'll try to match anything other people chip in. Hell, if we get twenty bucks donated it'll be plenty to help us get at least one nice arrangement to him.

after all, Jack deserves the best, right?

Posted by: Lyssie-chan (voodoobob)
Posted at: January 22nd, 2006 04:08 am (UTC)

Posted by: flowersforjack (flowersforjack)
Posted at: January 22nd, 2006 04:10 am (UTC)

Posted by: Moogle Girl (raisedbymoogles)
Posted at: January 22nd, 2006 05:05 am (UTC)

I have no Paypal account. Is there any other way I can donate?

(FAQ, question 1! XD)

Posted by: flowersforjack (flowersforjack)
Posted at: January 22nd, 2006 05:17 am (UTC)

Paypal does have functions for creating free accounts to donate to things like this.

We thought about alternatives but using more direct sources is a bit hazy.

Paypal keeps the records. If anything goes wrong, we want to be able to refund people who donated. If we took it directly and the scheme fell through, a prank might accidentally turn into a scam.

Posted by: Moogle Girl (raisedbymoogles)
Posted at: January 22nd, 2006 05:26 am (UTC)

Posted by: flowersforjack (flowersforjack)
Posted at: January 22nd, 2006 05:28 am (UTC)

Posted by: Moogle Girl (raisedbymoogles)
Posted at: January 22nd, 2006 05:35 am (UTC)

Posted by: Taurwen Narser (fireflymage)
Posted at: January 22nd, 2006 03:10 pm (UTC)

Awesome idea, I don't have any spare cash at the moment, but I'll spread the word and send any little thing I come up with.

Posted by: flowersforjack (flowersforjack)
Posted at: January 22nd, 2006 08:14 pm (UTC)

Thank you so much! Every little bit helps, and thank you for telling your friends!

-Alyson

Posted by: D (endisforever__)
Posted at: January 22nd, 2006 06:58 pm (UTC)

Greatest idea ever.

I'm flat-ass broke at the moment, but I'll spread the word. ^_^

Posted by: flowersforjack (flowersforjack)
Posted at: January 22nd, 2006 08:52 pm (UTC)

That helps plenty too. PR is a beautiful thing.

-AR

(Deleted comment)
Posted by: flowersforjack (flowersforjack)
Posted at: January 22nd, 2006 09:05 pm (UTC)
Re: Interview?

I'll be in touch. You'll note that we've kept comments off of Gamepolitics and a few high-profile places that Jack keeps up with. Some less mainstream coverage could pull in just the people we need.

Alyson is managing our finances in this, and I'm generally in charge of the writing and communications. I'll drop you an IM today or tomorrow.

and don't forget, it's not about pissing him off... it's about seeing if we can do something extreme and not piss him off. The answer might be no, but dammit, we must try.

-AR

(Deleted comment)
Posted by: flowersforjack (flowersforjack)
Posted at: January 22nd, 2006 09:11 pm (UTC)
Re: Interview?

Posted by: ((Anonymous))
Posted at: January 24th, 2006 09:11 pm (UTC)

I have better things to do with my live than gaming. But I enjoy spending a few hours of Battlefield 2 each week. And I'm almost certain that I'm speaking for each member of LoRDS (Legion of Raging Dutch Savages) right now when I say that this is a briliant action. This is to officially confirm that the news has been spreaded in Holland (allbeit in a very small community, but I can and will do better) and that WE CARE.
I just happen to have a Paypal account with some few spare bucks, and I've donated each of them.

Greetings, Yoshida82, member of LoRDS.

Posted by: ((Anonymous))
Posted at: January 25th, 2006 12:27 pm (UTC)

Alright, so Jack is back...the bastard.

First, I would like to say that I think he's just so wrong about gaming [duh] and that he should step aside and let us be. I'm afraid he won't listen, but hey, by making this action work and hoping very hard, maybe he will listen someday...someday.

Although I really would like to donate some money, I have to say the amount of cash on my bank account is very low at the moment. So please, don't hate me, I'm just a poor student ^^.

The last thing I would like to say is that thinking gaming could really kill you is just as stupid as thinking Elmo from Sesame-street carries around a gun planning to shoot you. Come on...

Keep up the good work with this action. I hope Jack will finally wake up.

Greeting,

Fatal [just a girl from the Netherlands]

Posted by: ((Anonymous))
Posted at: January 27th, 2006 10:07 pm (UTC)

Posted by: mr_putter (mr_putter)
Posted at: January 25th, 2006 01:09 pm (UTC)
Nice!

I can't really donate, but this is a helluva good idea!
Keep it up guys!

Posted by: ((Anonymous))
Posted at: January 25th, 2006 03:15 pm (UTC)
Jack Thompson really....

suck! He's such a loser!

Posted by: ((Anonymous))
Posted at: January 25th, 2006 07:01 pm (UTC)
Nice

Ey there fellow J.Thompsen haters ;)
I'm Eclipse a gamer from holland. I'm sorry to inform I don't have premision to
donate any money. But I do want to help you guys so i'll do what other people do
I'll spread the word for you. Team-Multikill (our Gaming Team)support your actions
against the unfairness and disrespectfull actions from J.Thompsen

I wish you all of luck,

If you like to contact us, please do so by sending an e-mail to:
Team-multikill@hotmail.com

Thank you, good look with your campain

Posted by: ((Anonymous))
Posted at: January 25th, 2006 09:48 pm (UTC)

Nice move :-)

Posted by: ((Anonymous))
Posted at: January 26th, 2006 10:27 am (UTC)

I'll be spreading the word too, and hopefully donate a small amount as soon as I can get my hands on some money.
If I could, I would buy him one of our fluorescent dutch tulips.. that should keep him safe during dark scary nights!

Klister

Posted by: ((Anonymous))
Posted at: January 27th, 2006 08:37 pm (UTC)

This is bloody brilliant. It's hard not to be too rude to someone who treats us fun-loving people like crap. Do unto others what thou wouldst do on thyself, something along those lines I believe the big rule was. Although I cannot donate any money, I will support you guys in every way possible, at least to the extent of the possibilities. Great work guys!

- Neo Jericho

Posted by: ((Anonymous))
Posted at: January 27th, 2006 10:00 pm (UTC)
This is an outrage

this is ridiculous, I mean comon, videogames are fun, why he is hitler and nintendo is a jew XD

if there are no more games, there are no more sprites, and if there are no more sprites

THAT MEANS NO MORE MAKING MY GlItChEd!!!! NOOOO
(for more info on GlItChEd! email me at Z_saber00@hotmail.com)

but also so many games I've waited for could be halted by this dickhole, so I'd like to say to him "thankyou for your time and fuck off"

Sincerely
-Ace

Posted by: elkie1 (elkie1)
Posted at: January 27th, 2006 10:47 pm (UTC)

Some response to such an insult. He might even appreciate the fact that we're "offering the other cheek", considering he's one of the Christian bastards (no, I'm not implying that all christians are).

Suprising and exellent move. I'll spread the word, but I can't donate.

37 Read Comments
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